I have not run off with the Doctor.

My biggest problem with diaries, journals and blogs it seems is finding the time to post. Life gets in the way. And when things go sideways and you’re just trying to keep your head above water, keeping things updated has to go by the wayside. I never intended it to be this long without so much as a “Hey, I haven’t been abducted by aliens, or run off with the Doctor.” 

Things had been too good for too long and not surprisingly, my personal life went to hell. A lot of it is personal and I won’t be going into it out of respect for all parties involved. I got went off my medication, something I know I can never do. I suffered the consequences. Now I’m trying to put my life back together. Mixed results. 

Writing isn’t quite my shelter of last resort, but it’s helping me cope and grow. Alice is now in two distinct sections, with that pesky middle bit waiting to be filled in. I’ve been listening to the same songs on repeat, soaking up the images as they come. I’ve done so much research on Hurricane Katrina recently it’s not even funny. I even read Alice in Wonderland. Seemed pertinent. I still don’t know what the hell that book was about, other than a creepy obsession with a little girl and a lot of acid.

Memento got a cursory look today. I think my problem with that piece is that I’m afraid of it. Honest writer is honest. That piece goes farther than anything I’ve done. I’m afraid of failing, of it not being good enough. I’m afraid of it not being right.

 I tell myself these things, and it stops me. But then I look back at the giant piece of newsprint covered in crayon and round about connecting lines, the sheet of paper I’m using to get myself back on track, and I see “Win the Stoker.” Am I capable of it? I don’t know. Part of why I went so far off the rails is because I question my own sanity when I’m writing cute things like a character asking her dead friend about her brains on the wall. But that same sentence reminds me that this is simply who I am. 

I’m back and I’m working. I guess that’s all that matters right now.