Tyler Durden is my spirit animal

By nature, I’m high strung. I’ve never really learned the art of relaxing and my coping skills are non-existent. Once upon a time, a therapist tried to teach me to meditate. I fell asleep. I watch Fight Club about once a month and I still think to myself, “How hard can it be to find my zen?” Answer: very. So far, I have no Tyler Durden or spirit animal. But I do have gargoyles.

I sat in silence enjoying a min-meltdown with the cat for the better part of an hour. I should have been working on Alice. Her deadline is 20 days away. Instead, an unexpected pet emergency severed my brittle grasp on reality today and sent me running for one of the most difficult to write, unpalatable sections of Memento Mori. Coming from the author, that says a lot. But, it’s got the potential to be a thing of beauty. For once, I’m not afraid of where it’ll take me.

One of the best things I took away from one of my literary courses (apologies for blanking on the title of said course,) was the concept of the Shitty First Draft (SFD). Most of my projects are in SFD form at the moment and it’s taken a lot for me to accept that the first draft doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s a draft.  The important thing is to get all the ideas down on paper before they disappear into the ether that is my brain. And that’s exactly it. Half the time I feel like I’m grasping at vapors.

The desire to be unique/creative can be as intimidating as Julia Child at a bake sale. Even if you’re experimenting with an old idea, it’s your job as a writer to present it as something fresh. My job as a horror writer is a bit more tricky. I have to scare, scar, repulse, and ruin part of you all while creating at least some redeeming element that keeps you reading. 

Working on two major projects at once is beginning to seem like merrily skipping into Mordor for shits and giggles. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. The Alice deadline is getting closer and I still have no idea what I’m doing. Truth is, I had no idea in the first place. I’ve let myself get so distracted with perfection that I seem to have forgotten that the SFD is there to save me.

So, thank you Jennifer for trying to teach me to relax a bit with my writing. Lord knows drilling that into my thick skull was no easy fete. Four years later though, it’s finally sticking. Now, if I could find that damn spirit animal, I’d be all set.